Fantasy of You

The Queen Daughter grabbed the chalice filled with a bitter port and took a large swig. Careful of your word choices. 'grabbed' and 'large swig' give the impression she's a ...

Abandon it, would be my 100% honest advice on it. I get the reason why people write fanfic. and so I'm not debating it. But when you can't stick to ...

I don't have too much time right now, but something jumped out at me pretty quickly. He was walking the corridors of the prison. He had on shoes-- he couldn’t ...

Okay, first of all, trident, if you're going to attempt to be all knowing in the future, at least give improvements for what you say. Other wise, it comes out ...

Well, first of all, don't punctuate the end of every sentence. Think about where you put everything. Line breaks are line breaks for a reason. Either the break or the ...

I ditto trident here. The grammar makes the piece clumsy and almost unreadable. It has no fluidity for me to catch and ride. Also, the content is pretty cliche, especially ...

Sometimes rhymes hit the mark and add a whole new dimension. Other times the rhymes come of forced and uneasy, and disrupt and distract from the content. I think the ...

I don't know if someone has covered what I've said. I don't have time to check. But if I do, make it doubly true, humkay? Okay. The prologue, like most ...

Okay. Answer me something. Why should I bother helping you, when you don't bother to use basic grammar? And when I say basic grammar, I mean grammar that six year ...

John was cold. You should refrain from spelling out character's feelings. And given the scene you set, it's pretty obvious. But if you think it isn't, a simple shiver is ...

I'm sorry if I repeat what anyone else has said. Time is against me at the moment. “Why?” the young boy said weakly. Here's a rule for you. Never, ever ...

We’re losing control” shouted the pilot. Okay. A pet hate. Do you need to use shouted, or are you using it to avoid the word said? I think it's the ...